How to be Coached

I’m not going to sugarcoat it—these last two weeks have been tough mentally.

Rehab has been frustrating, and the idea of playing at full strength feels almost unimaginable.

It’s been challenging to build momentum, both in my daily habits and in my journey back to the court.

What’s difficult to accept is that this struggle and pain are part of the professional athlete experience. Unfortunately, it’s just part of the job. I’m learning to accept it and keep moving forward.

With that in mind, I want to address a question I frequently receive:

How do you handle a coach, especially one with whom you disagree?

I’ve been playing organized basketball for almost 20 years now, and over the years, I’ve encountered all sorts of coaching styles, personalities, and levels of experience. I’ve learned some tough lessons along the way, and my hope is to share them with you so you can better navigate your own experiences with coaches.

This week’s newsletter is meant to serve as a roadmap for receiving coaching effectively and understanding the nuances of the player-coach relationship.

How to be Coached

Lead with Respect

In any interpersonal relationship, your relationship with your coach should be built on a few fundamental principles. These are non-negotiable, the foundation on which every conversation and interaction is built. It’s your responsibility to establish these from the start and stick to them, no matter what challenges arise during the season.

This foundation will allow you to have difficult conversations and challenge each other in ways that will elevate both their coaching and your playing abilities.

For me, there are two key principles that every athlete should have:

1. Respect
   I will always respect my coach’s position, never doing or saying anything to undermine that, even if we disagree. This includes the tone of voice I use, the eye contact I make, and my body language. Yes, things may get heated from time to time, but even in those moments, respect should remain. Little actions like shaking hands before practice, introducing family members, and following team rules go a long way in reinforcing this respect. I might sound like a “kiss-ass,” but ultimately, it’s your coach who decides whether you’ll be on the court. Don’t give them any reason, outside of basketball, to question that decision.

2. Your Coach Is Doing Their Best
   As athletes, we’ll inevitably disagree with our coaches at times. But whether you agree with them or not, you must always believe that they are doing their best. No coach is intentionally sabotaging you or your team. They may not always like you, but at the end of the day, if you’re helping the team win, they’ll have no choice but to play you. I always give my coaches the benefit of the doubt, and it helps me focus on self-reflection rather than immediately blaming them. No one is trying to lose—we all want to succeed.

By establishing these two principles from the outset, you create a foundation of trust that allows both you and your coach to make mistakes and grow together. From there, you can begin building an environment conducive to optimal performance.

Coaches are Human too

Throughout my career, I’ve made the mistake of assuming my coach should be perfect.

It’s natural to nitpick the decisions and actions of the person in power. Coaches are held to a higher standard, and rightly so. You want your coach to allow you to make mistakes as a player, so you must also extend the same grace to them.

The truth is your coach is not a robot. They have emotions, biases, trauma, and habits just like you. Acknowledging this will make it easier to give them grace when needed. Sometimes, your coach may just be having a bad day and might take it out on you.

And guess what?

That’s okay. It may suck, and you may not deserve it, but every relationship must be strong enough to handle some emotional variability.

Try not to take it personally or over-analyze it.

Chalk it up to a bad moment and move forward.

Remember, your goal is to reach your peak performance.

Some variability with your coach is inevitable—no one is perfect.

Expect it, and don’t let it throw you off your path.

Check Your Pride

Hearing “that wasn’t good enough” is one of the toughest things to hear, not just as an athlete, but as a person.

But if we ever want to reach our full potential, we have to get comfortable with that feedback.

You have to allow your coach to do their job and coach you.

I know—it’s hard. Trust me, I’ve been there.

We think we know everything, and when we’re told we don’t, it stings. It hits right at our ego. Our defense mechanisms kick in, especially when a sensitive spot is hit. As athletes, we need to be emotionally aware of what we’re feeling in those moments. Those uncomfortable instances when we feel exposed and all the excuses start bubbling up are the exact times we need to check ourselves.

Often, the things we need to learn most are the very things that hurt our pride the most.

The sensitive spots are the areas where we need the most improvement.

Don’t run from those emotions or let the excuses win. Drop the ego, accept the coaching, and reflect on how you can get better.

Coaches don’t trust players who can’t take criticism. It completely erodes the foundation of trust.

Pride is the enemy of growth.

It’s the number one thing that holds players back from reaching their goals.

Evaluate Through Your Own Lense

I’ve fallen victim to “over-listening” to coaches before.

As someone who tends to think in black-and-white terms, I’ve often tried to apply coaching too literally, and at times, it’s hurt my performance.

Detailed coaching is valuable, but it’s not always delivered in a way that reflects the dynamic nature of the game. Trying to apply rigid instructions to a fluid, fast-paced environment often leads to more mistakes.

As athletes, we need to listen and absorb everything our coaches are teaching us, but we can’t do so blindly.

We must also have our own perspective because, at the end of the day, we’re the ones executing the instructions. Not every piece of coaching will resonate with us, and it’s our job to pick and choose what’s most helpful and relevant.

Coaches want control, but more than that, they want results.

They’re pushing to find the right buttons to help you perform at your best.

Ultimately, though, it’s you who’s on the court, applying what you’ve learned.

Coaches introduce concepts and ideas, but it’s up to you to make them work for you. Never forget that dynamic—you still hold the controls, and you still make the decisions on the court.

Identify the coaching that drives your success and dismiss what’s holding you back.

Conclusion

The player-coach relationship is a crucial part of the athlete experience. It can make or break your connection to the game of basketball. The four principles I’ve shared with you have made a world of difference in my relationships with my coaches and have allowed me to continue playing at the professional level.

Try these four principles and see if they improve your relationship with your coach.

If you have any questions about them, feel free to reply to this email, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

However, if you’re just going to vent about how messed up your coach is, I’m afraid I can’t help with that.

We’re here to find solutions, not to dwell on problems.

This Week’s YouTube Video

Check out all my nutrition and hydration tips in my ‘What I eat in a day as pro basketball player’ video:

I’ll Leave You With This:

The athlete experience is complex, with many factors that can impact it.

It’s our job to navigate these challenges with grace and awareness so we don’t jeopardize both our performance and our love for the sport.

It’s not easy.

It’s an ongoing process.

Take control of your experience and start being proactive.

Find solutions, don’t dwell on problems.

Love you guys.

Let’s keep growing.

Trey